Why the Word Shouldn’t Makes You Angry

By: Kristin Martineau | March 12, 2018

The problem with “shouldn’t” is that it implies some imaginary standard. We expect that life will go a certain way, and when it doesn’t we get angry. “This shouldn’t have happened!”

Your kid knocks the glass soap pump off the counter on to the tile floor. There’s glass and soap everywhere. Happened to me the other day! (She shouldn’t have done that!)

Your husband forgets to take the trash to the curb, again. (He shouldn’t forget when I’ve asked him 100 times!)

Your parents did some really stupid stuff when they were raising you. (They shouldn’t have done that. It’s not fair I had to deal with that as a child!)

Your three year old throws a massive tantrum every time she doesn’t get the pink cup. (Three year olds shouldn’t throw tantrums about stupid stuff! )

Your daughter is being alienated by her friends at school. (She shouldn’t have to go through this!)

Your child is diagnosed with a learning disability. (He shouldn’t have to struggle in this way!)

Someone you love dies. (He shouldn’t have died so young!)

Anger comes from the outcome being different from your expectations, which are so often unrealistic. Why shouldn’t any of these things happen? You live on the planet, right?

All these things SHOULD happen my friend.

How do you know if something should have happened or not? Ask yourself if it happened. If it did, then you know for sure that it was supposed to happen. I don’t mean this in a “everything happens for a reason” kind of way.

I only mean that reality just, is.

And reality is blind to your opinion of it.

Anger about reality only hurts you.

If you are struggling to get out of anger, I have a framework you can apply to any situation to help you feel better. Click here to schedule a free mini session and I’ll teach you how to use it.

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