How to Know if You Are a Good Mom

By: Kristin Martineau | April 19, 2018

Many of my clients tell me that they feel like they are a bad mom.  When I help them look closer at the real reasons they feel this way, often we find a belief system that’s causing them a lot of unnecessary pain.  They are measuring themselves with the wrong yardstick.

Do you use any of these things to measure how good of a mom you are?

Your Child’s Results/behavior- If you are evaluating your mothering skills by the way your children behave, you are going to feel pretty bad about yourself. Especially if you have a kid with ADHD.  Using this yardstick is a problem because when your child fails a class, gets in trouble at school, or has a meltdown about where to sit at the dinner table, then it will mean something about youThe truth is: no matter how great of a parent you are, your children are going to do dumb stuff.  When they do, it doesn’t mean you have failed.

How you feel- Do you feel guilty if you aren’t feeling particularly loving toward your kids all the time?  Do you feel bad if you aren’t the “happy mom” every waking second of your child’s life?  The idea that we have to feel good and happy all the time is a destructive mental construct.  It creates another belief that if we aren’t happy all the time, something is wrong with us. The truth is: half of the human experience feels pretty gross.  That’s normal.  It doesn’t mean you have failed.

How your kids feel– We don’t like it when our kids are struggling. It’s hard to watch and we want to make it better because we love them.  We also want to make it better so that we can feel better. The truth is: Our kids are supposed to feel bad sometimes. In fact, trying to take away all their negative feelings does them a disservice.  They need to learn how to manage negative emotions.  They need to experience the consequences of poor choices.  It isn’t your job to prevent all that.  When your kids are struggling, it doesn’t mean you have failed.  

So how do you know if you are a good mom? Ask yourself this question:

Am I offering my best self to my kids? 

That’s all you can control my friends.

If you aren’t showing up as your best self, I can help you figure out why and how to change that.  Schedule a free mini session with me here.

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