Is the Way You Interact With Your ADHD Kid Hurting Your Other Relationships?

By: Kristin Martineau | May 9, 2018

In my last post I talked about the underfunctioning and overfunctioning dynamic in ADHD child/parent relationships. If you didn’t read that one, I suggest you go back and read it. It’s a common issue I see with many of my clients. Understanding if you are operating this way can be a game changer for improving your relationship with your child.

But overfunctioning doesn’t just affect the relationship you have with your child. It effects other relationships you have in your life, including the one you have with yourself.

Many people overfunction to avoid doing their own work. It’s easier to direct all our energy outward to other people than do the painful inner work of self evaluation and growth.

In The Dance of Anger, Harriet Lerner writes about a mother who was overly involved in her adult son’s relationship with his girlfriend. She was overfunctioning and giving unwanted advice and trying to control what her son did in the relationship. When the mother finally stepped out of overfunctioning in that area she realized she had been neglecting her own relationships.

“When Sarah stopped focusing her major ‘worry energy’ on her son, she and Paul came face to face with the distance and dissatisfaction that each of them experienced in their marriage, and they were forced to pay closer attention to their own relationship . . . Focusing on a ‘problem child’ can work like magic to deflect awareness away from a potentially troubled marriage or a difficult emotional issue . . “

What other relationships in your life are suffering because you are overfunctioning with your ADHD child? Are you involved in relationship dynamics that you aren’t sure how to change? That’s what my work is all about. I help a limited number of people for free. Click here to claim your spot before they are gone.

Leave a Reply