How Do I Get My Husband on Board?

By: Kristin Martineau | January 25, 2019

I get this question in a lot of variations from my clients.

“How can I get my husband on the same page as me about discipline?”

“How can I get my husband to see that he needs to be more patient with our kids?”

“How can I convince my husband that our ADHD child needs to take medication?”

It boils down to this: I want my husband to be different than he is.

Here’s the thing.  People do what they do.  They do it for a reason, but we think that our way in the world is better.  “If you could just be more like me that would be great, thanks.”

Now, I’m not saying that you can’t make requests of your husband.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t explain your point of view.  I’m not talking about being a doormat.

Sometimes it works and our husbands say, “Thank you so much for educating me. I’ll take Jimmy to the doctor to get his prescription today, and I’ll take the trash out on my way out the door.”

When it doesn’t work though, you have a choice.  You can be mad about it, or you can just let him be who he is.

Husband is going to do what the husband is going to do.  Getting angry doesn’t change that. You know because you’ve tried.

Let him be impatient.

Let him disagree.

Let him parent in his own way.

Maybe God made it so parents are different.  He did. How do we know? Because they are.

Besides, I have a theory that if you were married to yourself you would still be super annoyed.  I know I would be.

You can’t change the people around you.

What if that isn’t your job?

What if your job is to just love them even when they do things differently than you?

That would feel so much better.  You would get to feel love instead of anger.

The only person you need to change is you.

That will have a much more powerful influence on the people around you anyway.

But if it doesn’t, no point in being angry about it.

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